Dear Karinna,
I feel that I have lost touch with my husband. To be more specific, he has fallen in love with someone else. I have been so depressed about this-- our youngest daughter is now 17. How do I begin a new life? I have never felt so lost and alone. I have given 20 years of my absolute best to my husband and children. Now they are off on their own and I'm no longer needed. These were the happiest years I have ever known and everything I was. I just don't know where to start. Please help me.
-- C.
Dear C.,
First, are you sure it is over with your husband? Have you sought therapy alone and together and
really turned over
every stone and looked at
both of your roles in the breakdown of your marriage before you have let go?
If not, that is where you have to begin. This work is the essential process of disciplined self-reflection with a counselor who will hold you accountable for the purpose of gaining clarity on you and healing "you" in regards to patterns in relationships-- especially in the ones that are most significant in your life such as with a husband and children. This work on yourself will also serve you in the relationships you might attract as you go forward, such as with new friends and, if you decide to leave your marriage, a new partner.
If you have done this work already, then it is truly time to move on.
It is time to discover who you are outside of being a wife and mother. Sounds like your happiness came through your relationships and providing for their needs, but now it is time to discover the fullness of what makes
you happy for yourself and what
your real needs are. You may not even know what they are right now.
I can only imagine the grief you are experiencing in leaving an overall happy chapter of your life. But the easiest way to do that is to do the work above with a therapist as you simultaneously explore your interests by getting out and connecting with groups who are doing things you like to do such as cooking, painting, climbing mountains, studying the stars-- whatever that might be for you.
If you need a new career, register for classes. If you need an immediate job opportunity think of the most fun thing you could apply for with the skills you currently have-- even if the salary would just covers your bills. Just commit to getting yourself out and doing things that would bring lightness and joy, new interesting people, and new skills and challenges into your life. You are being asked to become more of who you are meant to be. That is actually your next stage of Sacred Love. Try the
Honor Your Inner Beauty meditation to support you in this process.
I am excited for this new era of "Revealing"
You!
Note: Need some more personal advice on this or another relationship issue? Set up a
phone counseling session with Karinna- the
first five minutes are
FREE! Cost is only $2.50 per minute after that and you can talk as long as you want. (Please note there's a 15 minute minimum after the first 5 free minutes, so sessions need to be at least that long.)
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