Dear Karinna,
 
How do I tell the creeps who have girlfriends to back off in a work-related situation, especially when one of them is my manager?  I feel insulted and offended that he (or any of them) would want to use me.  I'm tired of these lazy guys who are going nowhere and have something to prove to their egos. I don't flirt with them and try to watch my body language to not give mixed signals.  A part of me feels I've grown and these guys who I would typically be attracted to are now just grossing me out. I just want someone who wants to make an honest woman out of me and who cares what I think. I would appreciate all the help I can get.
 
-- N.
 
Dear N.,
 
It sounds like what was once okay with you in the workplace-- "these guys who I would typically be attracted to are now just grossing me out--" is now out of the question. I think this is a great step for you. It means that perhaps before you were willing to flirt at work, but you are now focusing on consciously creating a healthier experience for yourself by watching your body language and not giving mixed signals.
 
These guys are a good mirror for you. Stop being lazy yourself and draw a clear line between appropriate and inappropriate behavior at work which will be empowering to you. Until now, even though you aren't actively engaging in the flirtation, you have continued to approve of your managers and other co-workers behavior by letting their inappropriate behavior continue. That is what has made you feel used- you feel "used up" processing all of that inappropriate energy.
 
It is time for you to make an honest woman out of yourself and be straight forward with these men.  Tell them the flirting has to stop and that it is interfering with a healthy working dynamic. Believe me, when you begin to speak up for yourself (and believe what you say without backing down) men will start to care what you think.
 
If after you have communicated to your co-workers that you are not willing to continue to accept their inappropriate flirtation and advances and their behavior doesn't go away, file a Human Resources Report or go directly to your manager's boss and file a complaint.
 
Take charge of your intimate dynamics in each area of your life. When you disentangle yourself from the unhealthy intimate dynamics you will start to see very quickly how your personal space is freed up, your energy is more vibrant and healthier, and that you have now opened yourself up to having healthier men show up in your life. Attracting the right person is all about the energy field you are emanating and allowing to exist in your life. For more information on how to consciously attract the right partner see Part 1, Sacred Lover from my book Intimate Wisdom.
 

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