Dear Karinna,
About a month after my boyfriend and I got together he moved to another city two hours away for work. We decided to keep seeing each other as we felt there was something between us. Since then (about 3 months) I've felt like I'm the only one making the effort to travel. I visit him regularly, yet he has only come to see me once. When I am with him he is absolutely perfect-- yet I feel very rejected because I ask him all the time to come visit me and there is always a reason why he cannot. What can I do?
-- C.
Dear C.,
What is so bad about getting the opportunity to take a mini-vacation from your day-to- day life and have romantic weekends away from home with your new boyfriend? This is how I would recommend for you to think of it. You are being invited by someone who seems crazy about you to really get to know about his new life in this new city and help him create a foundation that includes you. Remember-- he just moved and the adjustment to a new place and a new job is a lot to handle. Psychologically, I believe it is perfectly legit and a good idea to want to stay put when so much transition is taking place.
I can understand the inconvenience that the trips could be for you and that you would like there to be more of a fair "ebb and flow" of traveling between you. But I would say that three months is not such a long time to travel for someone who you love. I would communicate to him now that you want to work out another agreement. Sit down with each other and talk it through. Address the feelings behind the traveling issue for you and listen to his feelings and thoughts about traveling. There are several scenarios that you could come up with that would work. For instance, you may agree to travel for one more month to see him and then he will need to agree to travel for a month to see you. Then, after his month, you can trade off each time.
I would encourage you to not take it personally that he hasn't come to see you just yet. There may be nostalgic reasons-- both positive and painful-- for him. He may want some distance of time between the old town and the new one, his old life and his new one. But rest assure you are invited into this new one and are helping him create and sculpt it into existence on each and every trip.
Bon Voyage!
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