Kimmie,
 
I have been in an abusive relationship for most of my adult life (23 years to be exact).  Every time he hits me or tells me I am worthless I get the strength to leave and then he apologizes to me and does really nice things for me.  He takes me on trips, sends me  flowers and I forgive him.  Then he starts his abuse all over again. I used to be so independent.  I feel like I have lost myself.
 
What do I do Kimmie?
 
Georgia Fief

Hi Georgia,
 
First of all I want you to know that "recognizing" this repetitive cycle is the first step to healing.  Emotional and physical abuse can impair your judgment and often make you feel helpless.  The positive side of all this is that there is always a way to heal. 
 
The first thing you need to do is find a safe place to go to begin your healing process.  We often stay "stuck" in these situations because we fear being alone or the loss of security (emotional and material).  Second, take a deep look within yourself and remember a time in which you were on your own separate from him.  Recognize that you survived then and you can make it again.  While you are doing this begin to become familiar with the person who was independent and "feel" that inner strength.  Begin to experience yourself all over again.
When you begin to do this you can then empower yourself to recognize that it is not him that you need in your life to feel safe, complete and loved it is you.   Go back to the foundation that God gave you ... this foundation is love.  Live it, experience it and be it.  It is then you will free yourself from the abuse cycle......the fear.
 
The last step you need to take is to forgive him and let him go.  Remember that every person we meet is there to teach us something about ourselves.  He made a contract with you before you came here.  His purpose was to help you to remember who you are.......and to help you to learn forgiveness.  I always say that our personal Judas's are our greatest teachers.  By recognizing this you can then free yourself from resentment, anger and anything that is connected to fear.  Remember, fear is the opposite of love.  If you live in fear you cannot experience love.
 
I wish you the very best Georgia.
 
Love and Peace,
Kimmie