In looking back at my process of personal and spiritual growth over the years, I have noticed an interesting phenomenon that I refer to as “using my spiritual path to go against myself.” This behavior may be a surprise to many of you, but as programmed ego minds, we have been trained to use our life situations to go against ourselves since we were small. By this I mean have learned from those around us to use people and situations to raise our blood pressure, prove that we are not good enough, affirm that we will never be loved or that life is unfair. Unfortunately, the list of ways we use others to hurt ourselves is endless.

I often see folks get fanatical about changing their lives at the beginning of their spiritual path. They see some positive changes in their lives and want the process to be finished right now! As if instant awareness were an available commodity! They spend all their free time journaling, writing, recapitulating their lives, going to workshops, and traveling on spiritual journeys, but they have no balance in their lives and are not having much fun. It is important to create enjoyment in life because we don’t know if we’ll be here tomorrow.

In general, we have a workaholic society due to our puritanical beliefs about work; for example: “idol hands are the devil’s playground.” It behooves us to look carefully at how we are creating the dream of our lives right now. Is there balance in our lives? Are we really happy? Has our path become a burden or dreadful? Or, even worse, has our spiritual path turned into a full time job?

I am not saying that parts of your path will not be painful or challenging to look at. Challenge and pain are natural in the course of any quest to transform. But, at the same time, if we engage in self judgment or create rigid schedules for our journaling, our path will be a continuation of our habitual “doings.” Doings are activities we engage in that are programmed behaviors which we perform without awareness. We normally “do” things to abuse ourselves without consciousness, and we don’t want our path to be an opportunity to perpetuate that abuse.

For example, we often want to be the best student, to look good in our teacher’s eyes, so we can have the approval and love of those around us. I remember having this exact experience, wanting my teacher’s approval for everything I was doing. Of course, the beauty of it all was that he could not care less. All my teacher wanted was for me to be happy and to get over my need to link my self-worth to him or anyone else! Freedom is never having to impress anyone ever again because you are completely content and in love with yourself.

Your programmed mind will always make at least two proposals for any situation you are presented with. There will always be at least one proposal that appears logical, but will actually be harmful to you. Carefully observe the logic your mind uses to justify everything you choose to do. It may tell you that if you do a long list of things you will heal yourself and be a good student. Another part of your mind will tell you, “I am tired, I can do this tomorrow.” So which proposal do you listen to when they are in opposition to one another, and are both the results of programmed internal dialogue? Well, this is a most challenging question! The best advice is not to listen to either proposal because you cannot trust your mind. Your mind tells you stories all the time and they are not necessarily truth. You may think one of those statements is the real you speaking, but the real you does not speak with words.

Listen to your heart. If you are exhausted today then rest. If you are exhausted everyday then there is an underlying issue that must be addressed first. I would ask, “why are you tired all the time?” or “Are you creating stress in your life?” If the answer to these questions is “yes,” change that first so you have the time and energy to enjoy your spiritual activities. Then your body will be happy and you will feel balanced. You will be able to focus on your process with more clarity if your body is rested and well cared for. Watch the “logic” that your mind proposes to get you to go against yourself. Consider the justifications your mind is using to hold the status quo and keep you from happiness. Be wary, be watchful, and do not believe your ego mind under any circumstances! Above all do not empower your feisty programmed mind with the ability to use your path to go against yourself!

With All my love & blessings. Sheri Rosenthal

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Sheri Rosenthal DPM is a master Toltec teacher and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Toltec Wisdom and Banish Mind Spam!. Having trained with don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements®, she currently takes students on spiritual journeys (you can see them at www.journeysofthespirit.com ), works with personal apprentices and enjoys being extremely happy. You can reach her at info@sherirosenthal.com or www.sherirosenthal.com and www.withforgiveness.com.